You’ll be in our heart, Chrome Bone.
What if I told you these ten facts about an unnamed musician?
1. He was an extra in the Beatles’ A Hard Day’s Night.
2. He has recorded with such artists as George Harrison, Peter Gabriel, Eric Clapton, Tina Turner, and David Crosby.
3. IN FACT, he played percussion on Harrison’s “The Art of Dying” on the landmark All Things Must Pass album when he was only nineteen.
4. He has played drums for such artists as Eric Clapton, Paul McCartney, Ozzy Osbourne, and Led Zeppelin.
5. IN FACT, when Led Zeppelin reunited for Live Aid, they chose him over all other drummers to fill in for the ghost of John Bonham.
6. He introduced a word into the rock lexicon—”Sussudio”—for which we still don’t have a definition.
7. He has produced tracks for such diverse artists as Frida (of ABBA), Philip Bailey (of Earth, Wind, & Fire), Howard Jones, and Eric Clapton.
8. He laid down the drum track for the Band Aid charity single “Feed the World (Do They Know It’s Christmas)” in one take . . . while being filmed.
9. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony named him an honorary member of the group . . .
10. . . . Dubbing him “Chrome Bone”, possibly the greatest hip-hop moniker of all time.
What if I told you all that? Huh? Huh?
OK—so the first thing you’d probably say is, “You didn’t know any of this before you found it on Wikipedia.”
If you didn’t already know this was Phil Collins I was talking about, you’d have to admit that is one pretty rockin’ cat.
(And by the way, that Wikipdeia dig’s not entirely true: I knew about the playing with Led Zeppelin at Live Aid part. And I know what “Sussudio” means, but I ain’t telling.)
Come on. “Don’t Lose My Number”?
“In the Air Tonight”?
Don’t even try to pretend you don’t find yourself nodding along to these lite rock classics.
The National Evil is all about taking unpopular stands, going against the grain, fighting the good fight against everything designated hip and of-the-moment. And who is less hip than Phil Collins?
Which is not to say he hasn’t produced some clunkers. His choice of covers can be spotty—he doesn’t add anything to “You Can’t Hurry Love” and his comatic rendition of an already senescent “Groovy Kind of Love” won’t have anyone doing backflips. . . . And ballads like “One More Night”, “Two Hearts”, and “Something Happened On the Way to Heaven”, which blare twice daily over the intercom at my office, are admittedly putrescent. But even while enduring those ballads, I find that I can’t make myself hate Phil Collins. How can you hate a guy who went bald fifteen years before it was socially acceptable in his field and still churned out hits?
You can’t. That’s how.
Forget the stale blathering of our presidential candidates. If you really want to take a stand in ’08, to really fight for something, to feel the rush of swimming against a tide of intolerance and disdain from the ignorant masses, join the National Evil: admit that Phil “Chrome Bone” Collins has a spot in the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame of your heart.