the national evil redefines courage and takes a bold stand: phil collins rocks!

You’ll be in our heart, Chrome Bone.

What if I told you these ten facts about an unnamed musician?

1. He was an extra in the Beatles’ A Hard Day’s Night.

2. He has recorded with such artists as George Harrison, Peter Gabriel, Eric Clapton, Tina Turner, and David Crosby.

3. IN FACT, he played percussion on Harrison’s “The Art of Dying” on the landmark All Things Must Pass album when he was only nineteen.

4. He has played drums for such artists as Eric Clapton, Paul McCartney, Ozzy Osbourne, and Led Zeppelin.

5. IN FACT, when Led Zeppelin reunited for Live Aid, they chose him over all other drummers to fill in for the ghost of John Bonham.

6. He introduced a word into the rock lexicon—”Sussudio”—for which we still don’t have a definition.

7. He has produced tracks for such diverse artists as Frida (of ABBA), Philip Bailey (of Earth, Wind, & Fire), Howard Jones, and Eric Clapton.

8. He laid down the drum track for the Band Aid charity single “Feed the World (Do They Know It’s Christmas)” in one take . . . while being filmed.

9. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony named him an honorary member of the group . . .

10. . . . Dubbing him “Chrome Bone”, possibly the greatest hip-hop moniker of all time.

What if I told you all that? Huh? Huh?

OK—so the first thing you’d probably say is, “You didn’t know any of this before you found it on Wikipedia.”

But—!

If you didn’t already know this was Phil Collins I was talking about, you’d have to admit that is one pretty rockin’ cat.

(And by the way, that Wikipdeia dig’s not entirely true: I knew about the playing with Led Zeppelin at Live Aid part. And I know what “Sussudio” means, but I ain’t telling.)

Come on. “Don’t Lose My Number”?

“In the Air Tonight”?

“That’s All”?

“Easy Lover”?

Don’t even try to pretend you don’t find yourself nodding along to these lite rock classics.

The National Evil is all about taking unpopular stands, going against the grain, fighting the good fight against everything designated hip and of-the-moment. And who is less hip than Phil Collins?

Which is not to say he hasn’t produced some clunkers. His choice of covers can be spotty—he doesn’t add anything to “You Can’t Hurry Love” and his comatic rendition of an already senescent “Groovy Kind of Love” won’t have anyone doing backflips. . . . And ballads like “One More Night”, “Two Hearts”, and “Something Happened On the Way to Heaven”, which blare twice daily over the intercom at my office, are admittedly putrescent. But even while enduring those ballads, I find that I can’t make myself hate Phil Collins. How can you hate a guy who went bald fifteen years before it was socially acceptable in his field and still churned out hits?

You can’t. That’s how.

Forget the stale blathering of our presidential candidates. If you really want to take a stand in ’08, to really fight for something, to feel the rush of swimming against a tide of intolerance and disdain from the ignorant masses, join the National Evil: admit that Phil “Chrome Bone” Collins has a spot in the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame of your heart.

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7 thoughts on “the national evil redefines courage and takes a bold stand: phil collins rocks!”

  1. what?! oh hell, that’s a huge one. that would’ve bumped anything but the “Chrome Bone” nickname and playing with Led Zeppelin off the list. how did i miss that?

    who did he play? what kind of bad guy? a brit? or did he have a different accent? did he wear a wig?

    in an alternate universe, gene simmons and phil collins became the biggest movie stars in america sometime around 1989.

  2. I was but a young lad and don’t remember any of the finer points of the plot, but I definitely remember that he was a short bald guy with a British accent.

  3. ah-ha. per wikipedia:

    He also appeared in an episode of the series Miami Vice, entitled “Phil the Shill”, in which he plays a cheating con-man.

    so the question is . . . was he such a bad actor they had to name his character after him so he’d respond to his cues?

  4. MB, i rescued you from the spam!
    how dare they place you with such scum.

    and wait. sheena easton played crockett’s wife?

    you know, i don’t think i ever actually saw an episode of the vice.
    though i do remember seeing a shirt when i was a kid featuring two sharply-dressed cartoon rodents with the label MIAMI MICE. but my parents wouldn’t buy it for me.

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