Bah-dum, bah-dum bah-dum bah-dum . . .
Here’s a thing: some of Australia’s departed are choosing what the AP deems “odd” choices for funeral songs. “Odd” as in “Highway to Hell” and “Stairway to Heaven”.
The Evil has a complicated relationship with Australia. On the one hand, he really likes the word “antipodean”. On the other, he is utterly against the Coriolis Effect and all its adherents, millions of whom can be found in Australia. Also, koalas? Not cute, and mean-spirited to boot. And yet young Evil loved his Roos . . .
However, on this issue the Evil is totally with his antipodean mates and raises a toast to those Australians brave enough to go “odd” over “boring”, i.e. hymnal. Best line from a tragically abbreviated article:
Among other less conventional choices were “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” by the Monty Python comedy team, “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead,” “Hit the Road Jack,” “Another One Bites the Dust” and “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead.”
Some Aussie chose “Always Look on the Bright Side”? Brilliant!
With that in mind, Evil would like to offer suggestions to those of you who intend to take on the challenge he described some weeks ago concerning how to dispose of his remains. (The topic of snuff songs was covered in High Fidelity, but not to the Evil’s satisfaction.) As you fly over New Guinea, you should play a medley of the following songs:
“Death of a Disco Dancer”, the Smiths: Love, peace, and harmony? Maybe in the next world.
“If You Don’t Know Me By Now”, Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes: In your face, people who didn’t take the opportunity to delve into the Evil!
“Death or Glory”, the Clash: For there must be a Clash song. One of the Evil’s basic rules of life.
“Already Gone”, the Eagles: In anticipation of never, ever having to hear another fucking Eagles song in the next world.
“Love Stinks”, J. Geils Band: More for the bereaved. This is how you’ll feel when the Evil is gone. Feel free to sob the chorus as you collapse into each others’ arms after kicking his body out of the plane and watching the parachute deploy.
“Ed Is Dead”, the Pixies: Black Francis was kind enough to write a song about the Evil, so you should play it. Though he’d really prefer “Debaser”.
“Song 2”, Blur: The Evil wants his thousands of worshippers screaming WOOO-HOOOO!!! in unison at his wake, and what can you say? Blur created the world’s finest delivery service for spontaneous woo-hooage.