sweet perversity 1, wankers 0. huzzah!

I’ve heard of sex with furries. But blurries . . . ?

Here’s a good one from Time concerning Max Mosley, the head of Formula One racing. Last March a video emerged online of him engaged in a spirited round of S&M with five ladies, none of whom happened to be his wife. The tabloid News of the World dubbed it “a depraved Nazi-style orgy in a torture dungeon.” (What is a “Nazi-style” orgy, exactly? This is one area of German history the Evil never encountered. Mosley denies the Nazi connotations. You can watch the video here and judge for yourself.)

Anyway, the meat of this very amusing article is that this Mosley chap isn’t apologizing for his bondage party, hasn’t gone into hiding—no. Quite the opposite. Says Time:

The British multi-millionaire and Formula One boss insists there’s no shame in a little hanky-spanky, and he has sued the tabloid News of the World for suggesting otherwise.

Bully for him! Though the National Evil doesn’t condone the adulterous slant of these sexcapades, nor the fuzzy fascism, he is relieved to see someone who hasn’t wilted when thrust into the international spotlight of journalistic moral “outrage”. Someone who is surely even now ignoring the desperate advice of his PR agent, his lawyers, his friends and family to spew abject apologies and show up at church for a nice photo op. Because, after all, there’s no finer arbiter of appropriate moral behavior in our modern world than a fucking British tabloid.

The Evil is amazed at how few celebrities—both established and sudden—are equipped to deal with the new world order. Seems everyone should be issued a card with a handy, four-step guide to surviving the 21st century. It would read:

1. You’re going to do/say something stupid, offensive, or scandalous.
2. It’s going to be recorded and unleashed on the world.
3. DO NOT apologize. Everyone’s going to get caught doing something they’d rather the world not know about. You’re only human!
4. Sit tight. People will be bored of you soon and go hunting after the next scandal.

That’d fix things. In a world without privacy, you only have two choices: to change your behavior entirely, denying yourself perfectly legal opportunities for happiness, or else live your life as you will and endure the mock outrage of moral crusaders who’ll be caught with their own pants around their ankles in the not-too-distant future. Why should we surrender to the cameras instead of saying, “Hey, you might not like what I do in what used to be my private moments—but it’s not my fault you’re snooping around where common decency dictates you shouldn’t. Go ahead and gossip about Britney and Paris and the like. You’re the one wasting your life. Now bugger off.”

The Evil only regrets that this scandal doesn’t involve Prince William. Or Harry. Whichever. That would really have fired up the Brits.

(Postscript: If you’re interested in what this case might actually mean for your privacy—at least if you’re in the UK—read this here.)

Enjoy the weekend. If possible, paddle and/or whip someone you care about.

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5 thoughts on “sweet perversity 1, wankers 0. huzzah!”

  1. The only thing that pissed me off more than the first time they arrested Pee-Wee Herman was the second time they arrested Pee Wee Herman. When’s the last time you heard about a non-celebrity getting picked up for jerking off in a porn theater? Just WHERE are we as a people comfortable with allowing the poor guy to whack off, anyway, if he can’t even do it in his own home?

    Seems to me the real fascist perverts are the ones making all the thought-crime laws in the first place.

    But, anyway, Vic is not allowed to read this page, because I don’t want him getting any more creative ideas. Last thing I need is him going all Spanish Civil War on my ass…

  2. the idea that you can be arrested for jerking off in a porn theater strikes the evil as akin to being arrested for eating at a denny’s.

    but there seem to be great possibilities in this last point . . . period-reenacting-S&M.

    hell–there’s probably a million websites for just that. evil KNOWS there are for the inquisition . . .

  3. The inquisition had nothing on some of the crazy stuff you see. I once came across a sex toy site that not only sold very narrow electrical probes designed to be inserted whee nothing shoul ever enter, much less with 120 volts behind it, but they also sold these giant vaccuum seal bags big enough to fit a whole person in, with only a little drinking straw to breathe through. Big all-caps warning DO NOT VACCUUM SEAL YOURSELF UNATTENDED.

    But, seriously, I don’t know a whole lot about history besides what I’ve read in art books and seen on tv, but there is very obviously a huge link between fascism and perversion. Every Nazi documentary out there does the nudge-nudge wink-wink routine about it, and if Lorca’s death wasn’t queer-on-queer crime, what the hell is? And these are the same people who always have “wipe out the deviants” at the top of their to-do list. Seems like starting at home would make sense, right? My guess is that fascism is just what happens when a country channels all its sexual energy into clean, wholesome fun, like annexing the sudetanland or making the world safe for Halliburton.

  4. Like father like son. Old Oswald Mosley (Roderick Spode to Wodehouse Readers) liked his women and especially his men in uniform too, Adolf Hitler was even a guest at his second wedding reception (in Goebbels Home) so I guess his son is just indulging in family traditions. Funny thing is that Mosley Jnr probably got spanked by Nazi nannies so can we really blame him for wanting to relive his childhood? After all a decade of the Ubermensch Schumacher riding high on the Formula one circuit only to have Lewis Hamilton do a “Jesse Owens” and spoil his fun, must have short circuited the old fart’s brain.

    Oh and “Nazi Style Orgies” were very prominent, just ask Hugo Boss. Though in those days the catwalks were not filled with girls who looked like they had just escaped from Buchenwald.

    Everyone in stripes!!!

  5. “Though in those days the catwalks were not filled with girls who looked like they had just escaped from Buchenwald.”

    yowza!

    the national evil fully, fully endorses the wicked humor of this comment.

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