I’ve heard of sex with furries. But blurries . . . ?
Here’s a good one from Time concerning Max Mosley, the head of Formula One racing. Last March a video emerged online of him engaged in a spirited round of S&M with five ladies, none of whom happened to be his wife. The tabloid News of the World dubbed it “a depraved Nazi-style orgy in a torture dungeon.” (What is a “Nazi-style” orgy, exactly? This is one area of German history the Evil never encountered. Mosley denies the Nazi connotations. You can watch the video here and judge for yourself.)
Anyway, the meat of this very amusing article is that this Mosley chap isn’t apologizing for his bondage party, hasn’t gone into hiding—no. Quite the opposite. Says Time:
The British multi-millionaire and Formula One boss insists there’s no shame in a little hanky-spanky, and he has sued the tabloid News of the World for suggesting otherwise.
Bully for him! Though the National Evil doesn’t condone the adulterous slant of these sexcapades, nor the fuzzy fascism, he is relieved to see someone who hasn’t wilted when thrust into the international spotlight of journalistic moral “outrage”. Someone who is surely even now ignoring the desperate advice of his PR agent, his lawyers, his friends and family to spew abject apologies and show up at church for a nice photo op. Because, after all, there’s no finer arbiter of appropriate moral behavior in our modern world than a fucking British tabloid.
The Evil is amazed at how few celebrities—both established and sudden—are equipped to deal with the new world order. Seems everyone should be issued a card with a handy, four-step guide to surviving the 21st century. It would read:
1. You’re going to do/say something stupid, offensive, or scandalous.
2. It’s going to be recorded and unleashed on the world.
3. DO NOT apologize. Everyone’s going to get caught doing something they’d rather the world not know about. You’re only human!
4. Sit tight. People will be bored of you soon and go hunting after the next scandal.
That’d fix things. In a world without privacy, you only have two choices: to change your behavior entirely, denying yourself perfectly legal opportunities for happiness, or else live your life as you will and endure the mock outrage of moral crusaders who’ll be caught with their own pants around their ankles in the not-too-distant future. Why should we surrender to the cameras instead of saying, “Hey, you might not like what I do in what used to be my private moments—but it’s not my fault you’re snooping around where common decency dictates you shouldn’t. Go ahead and gossip about Britney and Paris and the like. You’re the one wasting your life. Now bugger off.”
The Evil only regrets that this scandal doesn’t involve Prince William. Or Harry. Whichever. That would really have fired up the Brits.
(Postscript: If you’re interested in what this case might actually mean for your privacy—at least if you’re in the UK—read this here.)
Enjoy the weekend. If possible, paddle and/or whip someone you care about.