Not only is this commercial hilarious, scandalous, and brilliantly conceived; not only is it infinitely superior to the paper-cutout-oldsters bellowing “Brilliant!” to which our American televisions are subjected—it also features the official beverage of the National Evil.
Actually, this Guinness ad probably never ran on any television (even in Germany!). The Evil has heard tell of, and seen a few, saucy ads created by agencies seeking to upgrade their “edgy” quotient. He doesn’t doubt this one falls into that category. Unless it’s one of those “viral marketing” endeavors, which seem to be something like subliminal messages driven into your skull with a ball peen hammer.
Watching this ad makes the Evil want to meet its starlet. No, no!—not because of her apparently orgiastic commercial proclivities! You perverts. No . . . he’d like to meet her and find out where this clip fits in her portfolio. When she’s trying to land a bit part in a Fox sitcom pilot as the saucy but dumb girlfriend of the standup-comic-turned-actor’s best buddy/next door neighbor, when does she whip this out? What does she tell producers about it?
We never—and probably don’t want to—see her face in the ad. All we know for sure is that she does have a nice, um, spine. Evil supposes she could point to this ad as evidence that she’s open to racy, sexy material, that she’s not afraid to explore taboo comedic territory. Or, hey, that she knows what to do on a casting couch.
Anyway. It’s a tough job, this entertainment business. Whoever she is, whatever she looks like, Evil thanks this aspiring thespian and wishes her luck. Who knows? Maybe we’ll see her get blowed up in the next Jerry Bruckheimer movie . . .