the inaugural first annual yearly ecademy ewards, part 4: 2000-2008


To find out what the hell this is all about, click here.


2000 Best Picture Winner: Gladiator.
And the Eward goes to . . . Snatch. No doubt Gladiator kicks unholy ass, but it won’t be necessary for Lil’ Evil to see that movie, as he will experience gladiatorial combat firsthand thanks to his old man. That makes Snatch the winner here. Kudos too to Memento.


2001 Best Picture Winner: A Beautiful Mind.
And the Eward goes to . . . The Royal Tenenbaums. Evil likes this one better than Rushmore, though it’s close. Bill Murray is brilliant in Rushmore, but he took that role and ran it into the ground over the next ten years. Whereas Gene Hackman’s performance in Tenenbaums is singularly transcendent. Evil can’t decide which is a more flagrant crime: that Hackman didn’t win Best Actor for this, or that Jeff Bridges didn’t for Lebowski.


2002 Best Picture Winner: Chicago.
And the Eward goes to . . . Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones. This year will serve as a lesson for Lil’ Evil: you gotta take the bad with the good. And you have to be ready to see your dreams crushed in two hours of cinematic diarrhea. Attack of the Clones is not only the worst Star Wars flick, it’s one of the ten worst movies Evil has ever seen. (Most people claim The Phantom Menace is the worst, but at least that one had the pod race and the lightsaber duel. Name one good thing about Clones. ONE!) But let’s give a shout-out to the few good movies that came out in ’02: Gangs of New York, Bubba Ho-tep, Spider-Man.


2003 Best Picture Winner: The Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King.
And the Eward goes to . . . Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. The craptastitude of its sequels distracts one from the fact that the first Pirates was something that hadn’t been seen since the halcyon days of Raiders and Empire: a fun, intelligent serial-style adventure movie in which there was no need for a requisite “comic relief” character because the dialogue was actually, you know, witty. Evil thought we finally had another great summer franchise on our hands. Boy, was he wrong. But that’s neither here nor there: 2003 was a summer of hope.


2004 Best Picture Winner: Million Dollar Baby.
And the Eward goes to . . . Kung Fu Hustle. There is no way Evil can describe or overpraise this movie. It is perfect. Kudos also to Eternal Sunhine of the Spotless Mind, The Incredibles, and Spider-Man 2 (alert! alert! sequel superior to original!).


2005 Best Picture Winner: Crash.
And the Eward goes to . . . King Kong. Giant ape vs. not one, not two, but three tyrannosauri = a movie Lil’ Evil will most certainly watch. Aside from its running time, Evil has never been sure why this movie wasn’t a bigger hit. A worthy remake. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang will also be viewed repeatedly in the House of Evil.


2006 Best Picture Winner: The Departed.
And the Eward goes to . . . Casino Royale. Evil is a Bond man. Lil’ Evil will be too. Evil is just thankful the producers manage to wrest the franchise from Pierce Brosnan’s cold, dead hands.

2007 Best Picture Winner: No Country for Old Men.
And the Eward goes to . . . no award given. No Country and There Will Be Blood were fine flicks, sure, but to his shock, Evil can’t find ONE movie from ’07 that his spawn must see. A little help, anyone? In the meantime, since Evil was weak and couldn’t choose between Heat and The Usual Suspects, just slot one of them in here. So:



2008 Best Picture Winner: ?????
And the Eward goes to . . . The Dark Knight. Just as shocking to the Evil: he kinda almost thinks Let the Right One In might actually be better than TDK . . . but it matters not. Lil’ Evil must see The Dark Knight and know that this is as close to his father’s vision of a perfect Batman movie as we are ever likely to see.

Tomorrow: wrapping up this farce.


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