science thongs! another nail in the coffin of religious dogmatism

science thong
Behold the knickers of knowledge!

So here we have an article from the Telegraph detailing how a scientific expedition team is using the above black thong for navigational purposes in the Arctic. Quoth the Telegraph:

[D]ue to the proximity to magnetic north the compasses are “going haywire”. The freezing conditions also mean the latest global positioning satellite or GPS equipment will not work. […] Therefore the team have to rely on navigating using the position of the sun. When it is cloudy they rely on following the direction of the wind helpfully indicated by a pair of lacy knickers shredded and stuck to the end of a ski pole.

Said knickers were “kindly donated by a supporter of the expedition” whom the Evil would very much like to meet. Another sexy supporter of science? Hubba hubba.

What strikes the Evil most about this situation is its beautiful marriage of science and sex, the two topics most viciously assaulted throughout history by the kind of nutjobs who want creationism taught in biology class. Consider this picture from a fo-real Arkansas church:

churchsign1

Taking this logic at face value, one could say FAITH IS THE GREATEST ENEMY THAT THE POLIO VACCINE, THE MOON LANDING, THE INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE, WOMEN’S RIGHTS, AND CLEAN WATER HAVE. Though it might not fit on the sign.

Of course, any true right-winger will scoff at the purpose of this Arctic expedition—to measure the shrinking icecaps. You know, “global warming.” Trust the Evil: our hypothetical zealot is making them there air-quotes. And if you were to mention this thong/global warming combo . . . well, you might witness the messy though entirely satisfactory spectacle of an ignorant head a-sploding.

The kind of people who make Reason and Faith not only mutually exclusive, but mortal enemies, envision a God that would have preferred for His proudest creations to suffer through nasty, brutish and short lives rife with rampant dysentery, infant mortality, and open sewers running down the middle of the streets . . . otherwise known as the same situation one can still find in many a Third World village. Curiously, however, the Evil hasn’t detected a mass movement on the part of the religious right to relocate from the suburbs to, say, the surely-much-more-Godly Bangladesh.

Luckily for those of us who enjoy living past 35, we have this union of intrepid scientific questing and the leading edge of slinky lingerie technology. So ladies, keep being your sexy selves; and scientists, keep getting your nerd on; you make this a truly great time to be alive.

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