i don’t want to be hip or an elitist—i just want my &$#@ing mega-shark!


I hate it when this happens. You find something near and dear to your heart, some nugget of entertainment—be it a band, a book, a TV show, a movie—so far on the fringes of culture it can hardly be called “pop.” And then it a-splodes.

I’m not talking about “underground” things that worm their way into mainstream consciousness. I’m talking about something smaller and, because of that, more poignantly painful. I’m talking about what happens when the hipsters get ahold of that something near and dear. The horror!

Take this, for example: Mega- Shark vs. Giant Octopus. Perhaps you saw the trailer on YouTube or clicked the link on Yahoo’s home page, which dubbed it “an internet sensation.” If so, damn you. You’re the reason I couldn’t get the movie shipped to me from Netflix when it dropped.

Months ago I read about Mega-Shark—this back when almost nothing was known about the flick, other than the above iconic photo of said mega-shark om nom nomming the Golden Gate Bridge. I immediately put it on the Netflix queue.

As it wouldn’t be released for weeks, I didn’t bother putting Mega-Shark first in the queue. Because, really, who but a dork like me would care? Then it appeared on Yahoo. Still I neglected to concern myself. Again: the trailer is funny, sure, but who would actuallly want to see a monster movie featuring (1) poor special effects, (2) Lorenzo Lamas, and (3) Deborah (that’s Debbie if you’re nasty) Gibson? (Besides me, of course.)

On the day it hit the straight-to-DVD highway, I checked my account . . . only to find that there was a “Very Long Wait.” The hell?

The Mega-tide has ebbed now, it seems—I can get the movie from Netflix any time I want. But I don’t want to. Instaironicapopculture has ruined it for me.

Understand: I’m not resentful because some secret, oh-so-hip signpost has been stolen from me. I don’t want to exhange knowing nods and in-jokes with anyone about this movie. I just want to see a giant shark fight a giant octopus and move on. But I won’t be able to now. Now I’ll stumble across guys in trendy glasses and ironic T-shirts quoting lines of dialogue to each other. There will probably be drinking games. And even more ironic T-shirts churned out with Mega-Shark themes. For shame.

Oh well. Enjoy the weekend. If possible, clutch that baby tight and never let go!


5 thoughts on “i don’t want to be hip or an elitist—i just want my &$#@ing mega-shark!”

  1. No need to worry those lovely strawberry blond locks there, Evil; I’m sure it will be on the Sci-Fi Network before long. The wait will only make it sweeter.

    Just keep telling yourself that.

  2. . . . but by then “scifi” will have completed its horrible metamorphosis into “syfy.” it just won’t be the same . . .

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