kidflingin. try this at home.


“Kids are great, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate! And they practically raise themselves now-a-days what with the internet and all.”

Evil spent yesterday on the lake with the nephew and niece. At the end of the day we adults dragged them on a float behind a powerful motorboat—this as opposed to the pontoon the Evil’s folks own. The kids were beginning to claim the pontoon produced a “boring” float ride.

Obviously, these under-10s needed a lesson in humility . . . which they received in spades as our friendly neighbor and captain slung his boat into a brutal turn. The float—and the kids—flew hard to starboard.

You’ve seen Matrix-style movies during which two combatants leap from one skyscraper roof to another at least 100 feet away. And rather than plummet to their deaths, they maintain forward momentum. And all the while they continue jujitsuing the bejesus out of each other, their moves brought to you in hyper-slo-mo turny-aroundy camera swoons.

That’s what the kids looked like as they shot from the float—their bodies and noggins knocking in midair before they collided with the lake. From there they scudded across the surface a few more yards before dribbling into the water.

It was—and Evil says this knowing that both were and are all right—AWESOME.

The Nephew of Evil complained of a splitting headache . . . which lasted exactly as long as it took for him to convince his uncle to join him on the float.

Today, the National Evil’s arms and shoulders bitch and moan from the effort of hanging on to that float. His elbows are scraped raw. But he—and more importantly, his nephew—held on, dammit, held on. Lesson learned.

Yep, kids are great. They are the stuntpersons and special effects technicians of the everyday world. And Evil bless those still-forming, malleable skull casings!


2 thoughts on “kidflingin. try this at home.”

  1. My thoughts on tubin’…in haiku form

    Tubin’ is painful
    Slamming into the brown drink
    Only for the young

    Children gasp for air
    Drowning on the great white wake
    Behind old pontoon

    Canvas skips on lake
    Squeals of glee quickly silenced
    Everyone is wet

    Greasy old redneck
    Drunk in sparklin’ red bass boat
    Children lost in cove

    Real men don’t ride tubes
    They balance atop smooth wood
    Tubes are for boys

    And that’s what I think of tubin’…in haiku form.

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