vatican: it’s ok to believe in aliens. aliens: it’s ok to believe in god.

Look out, Benedict! Behind you! It’s one of those horrible Men from Mar—oh. Wait. That’s just your shadow.

The National Evil isn’t in the business of mocking Catholicism—we find it to be a charmingly kooky religion, with the dog-headed saints and the dead language and whatnot. It’s just that you’ll never see a headline reading “Southern Baptists OK with possibility of alien anal probes.” Whereas the Vatican . . . the Vatican delivers.

So now the Associated Press reports that Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Vatican’s chief astronomer, has announced that belief in alien life does not contradict a faith in God.

Ruling out the existence of aliens would be like “putting limits” on God’s creative freedom, he said.

And we all know how God hates that. The National Evil sympathizes—we remember when the art teacher took away our scissors after we chased Mandy Applebaum around the art room with them, trying to get at her pigtails. How were we supposed to cut out the pictures for our collage after that?! So we hunkered under our desk and ate glue. Now imagine doing that to God. Uh-huh. Scary.